God, just fucking die already.

What the hell?

God, Get the fuck out of my life. Yes. You. Get the fuck out of my life. Its like you're taking everything that i wanted and everything i did have and fuck, its like you need it all of a sudden. When did people care about you? I'm pretty sure half the world hated you. Maybe they still do, or maybe half the world hates me, and theyre just filling the void. I feel like an idiot speaking so highly of myself. Who am i? Who am i to say i'm better than you? Eh, I say i'm better than you. Fuck you, and fuck everything about you, You ugly fuck.

Out of sight, out of mind.

If i dont see it, it never happened. Or at least, pretend to not see it.

Kyle XY

I've been watching a lot of Kyle XY and one of my favorite characters reminds me of one of the people i dont really like. Jessi reminds me of Erica. I cant really say i dont like Erica. She's ok... at times... She just seems so lost, and i cant help but feel bad for her, but thats about it. Its like... liking a dog.

I told. Not really.

It was a Wednesday and we where going to Jada's house. By we i mean Jasmine, Jada and I. She wanted to get Koda, and i was being lazy, so i put my phones in her bag.(i think) Then we went to the sprinklers so i didnt want to get my iTouch wet, so i put down. Mistake. Jasmine read through everything. She told Jada. The note goes a little something like this:

If you haven't told anyone yet, i suppose thats understandable, but your 15 year old self was so close at some point. At some point, you wanted to tell people. But at that same point, you where also way too scared. Perhaps you learned to face your fears, but if you don't, i know exactly how you feel. I guess id be disappointed in you, but im sure you can say the same thing to me.

You'd have to be stupid not to get it. And of course, Jasmine doesnt get it. Haha. Jada got it. and she guessed it too. Jasmine seemed so... nonchalant about reading through my stuff. She seemed too angry that i didnt want to tell her my deepest secret. I obviously didnt want to tell them for a reason. And if im being honest, she probably wouldnt have been one of the first people i told. She asked if i thought they would tell. I lied. I told them i did trust them, but in the back of my mind, i cant help but not trust them. I still think Jasmines going to tell Nelson. I still think Jada would tell Vanessa or someone. I guess i trust Jada more, but even then, im not sure. Jada felt bad for invading my privacy, but Jasmine couldn't wrap her head around the concept. So i guess my secrets out there. Out there somewhere. Somewhere...safe, but yet, so not safe.

They also asked me why i never told them. Its one of those things, where you cant take your own advice. Where advice just becomes a bunch of words, that mean nothing, yet they make so much sense. Where the action of advising, instantly becomes much easier than the action of taking. Good job, and damn you.

The reason.

Id rather be surprised by something amazing, than be disappointed by what i could have expected.