Masochist

I've always found "coming-out stories" really interesting, especially when people have some of the most beautifully bare and wholesome ways of "coming out." But that's beside the point here. What comes after always seems to be more interesting than how they "came out." I'll just warn you now that my attitude towards life is pretty dark and twisted. I like hearing stories about being "bullied" for coming out. I hate the word "bully" too, to be honest. It debilitates the true extent of how sick some people treat others since children are often taught to use it as a way to identify. But we're not in grade school here. We're not getting our dodge ball stolen or being cut in line right before you're about to get the last pizza. We're talking about people being absolutely sick and ignorant to the point where their recipients have decided dying would be more comfortable than living with these "bullies." But that's exactly it. I want someone to say this stuff to me that I hear being said to others. I want to feel what it's like. I want to know that my short (thus far) and agonizing yet continuing journey to acceptance has not all been in vane. Like... all of this suffering has to pay off some how. Like how no matter what they say, the fact that they have taken their time to condemn me and hate me has indicated that that I've already won. I long for that pain. But I suppose the most important thing is that in order to experience such pain, I'd have to fully come out first. Because only then would any "bullying" be indicative that my journey to acceptance is nearing an end.