"We received over 360 applications for only 75 jobs. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you a job this summer" I guess im just not good enough.

God dammit, i have no idea what I'm doing with myself. I want to get away. I want to stay here. I hate going there. Hockey was amazing and Just cooking food was fun. It felt safe. It felt... like home. I have no idea. I feel horrible just saying this. There's something about being with them that makes everything seem... right.

Its the first day without them since theyre in Canada. I've done some reflection and ive decided... i am one of the most non-social people in the world. I have no idea why i always get nervous when i talk to someone. I'm not even comfortable with myself, what makes me think I can be comfortable with someone else?

Its 3:30 and i feel extremely strange. Whenever i think about hockey or Randolf or Korey or anything. I feel weird. I feel like something is so wrong, but so right. I have no idea. I fucking hate this feeling. I need to sleep, but i cant. I cant. I need this school year to be over. I need it to end.

What am i even doing? MIT about lasers? Students taking charge? I'm pretending to be someone i'm not. I'm pretending to be someone who i want to be, and i know im failing. This is not me. Who am i?