LolEurope

This is how it'll go down on the XFactor.


Katie
then Wagner,
then Treyc,
then Paije,
then Mary,
then One Direction,
then Aiden,
then Rebecca,
then Cher.
Hopefully Matt wins

Everyone from Mary and up are so... forgettable. They're so borring and I dont really see how far they could possibly get. I do like Katie's voice though...

From One Direction and up i actually have no idea. It could be something crazy like Kris Allen winning, but who knows. I really like all of them from Aiden and I'm sure almost all of them are getting record deals and one of them are going to win.

Katie - I dont really understand the hype around her. I like her voice and everything, but she sings all of these obscure and strange songs.

Wagner - Come on.

Treyc - Shes got an OK voice.. it always sounded kind of muffled to me. She's not that interesting and she's probably going to lose early since she's already been in the bottom 3

Paije - I always forget about him. He seems like a queen.

Mary - She's got a nice voice, but she's all old.

One Direction - The only non-white guy is the hottest. Then Liam... Then i forget all their names. Their voice is OK, but all the tweens across the pond will vote for them

Aiden - Love him. He's super hot and has an interesting voice even thought it seems a lot of people dont like him. He needs better songs.

Rebecca - Love her too. She has a very rustic, raspy voice thats very easy on the ears

Cher - Even thought theres a lot of hype around her, she's still really good. I like her better with fast songs and she probably wouldnt go as far is she stuck with slow songs, but versatility is nice, right?

Matt - Awesome voice and always has very interesting renditions of songs. Mainly girl songs though. Listen to him when he was in Seven Summers or something and didnt really like him. The songs werent really memorable and ones yo could really sing along to, so hopefully he will change his style a bit.

I've written so many posts today. Anyways. Everyone says to be strong and t o be who you are, and in the end, it will get better. When will i see the end? They say the grass is greener on the other side, but when will i get to the other side? I dont think I'd kill myself. I dont. But I'm slowly dying inside and the more i realize it, the more i want to die. They all say to talk to friends and family, but i dont want to. Like i said before, i dont trust anyone. Its wrong for me to say it, but i dont trust them. I really, really hate people sometimes. I feel so god dammed lonely. Maybe if i had a boyfriend to tell all of this to as opposed to nobody on the internet.

I hate this. I hate myself. I hate people. I hate this world. They all say "It Gets Better" but when? When the hell is it suppose to get better?

Unfortunately, we will not be able to offer you a spot in our junior class at this time. Spots for the junior class were limited and very competitive this year.


Hm. That sucks. Thats 2/2 rejections. I guess I'll give it one more shot before i just.. give up everything. I cant do this. Grad school will be so much harder than this. Than some SAT program. Than some summer program. I'm going to fail. I haev failed. I fail at everything. The interview sucked. I'm so fucking awkward and I'm so anti-social. I don't gegt how people find this all so easy. Fuck this. Fuck... life.

Everyone thinks its so god dammed easy. They think it's like telling people you like cheese-only pizza or you like the color blue. No. It's more like telling people you like the color pink in a really gay way. So gay as a matter or fact, that you might as well not say "I like pink" and say "I'm gay" instead. Something like that. Its not that easy. Coming out of the closet is a lot like jumping off a platform. You dont know how long it's going to take you to hit the bottom and you never know what at the bottom. It could be full of soft bunnies or it could be full of fire. Who knows. And its not like you just jump off once. You keep jumping off and you continue to not know what at the bottom. You can kind of see whats at the bottom depending on the person, but you can definitely see whats up here on top of the bridge, where its hell. But safe.


I might just say up here for a while.

And thats it.

My life is so boring. I have no friends. I have no love life. I have no one to talk to. I'm extremely anti-social. I'm unattractive. I have no self-esteem. I'm gay.

I thought the first step was admitting it.




Now whats supposed to happen?

This is probably going to get deleted later.

I really.. really want to tell people. I've been watching a million videos about it and i just... want to tell people. Its sad because i cant bring myself to do it. It justs so "abnormal" and strange. I mean, where would i even go about getting a boyfriend? Its just.. weird. I dont really get where you're suppose to find someone else who's gay. It'd be so much easier if other gay guys walked around with a neon sign over their heads so i could try to hit on them. But odds are, i'd just walk away cause i'd probably deem it too awkward. That personality test is right. I dont really get how "flirting" and "socializing" works. I also had a really sexy dream last night :) It'd never happen though. There were too many guys involved :D