Nothing happens when nothing's said.

So why is it so hard to say something?

Thanksgiving Clichéness

What am i thankful for?

I'm thankful for....

An awesome cousin.

Wealth, i guess.
Health, i guess.

Idk, those are the most immediate and superficial things i could think of. I guess i should say I'm thankful for being gay, but i kind of dont. I mean, in a way i am. Its given me a sense of belonging since I'm definitely in a certain group. But i kind of dont want to be in this group. Sigh. Hopefully, this will all change on day.. I'm hoping on day, acceptance'll just hit me like a truck. But thats what i said about puberty. I didnt even know my voice became monotone until people started laughing at me for me.

FuckYeahGayCouples, Manhunt

Well, i guess i cant solely talk about how i feel ostracized and excluded from society. I am really glad I read Manhunt. I know it sounds cheesy, and i may have forgotten how i found Manhunt, but I'm really glad that i read this blog. Its not the hot guys or the cute guys, but all the comments that remind me that there are other gay guys out there that do the same thing as me. I'm sure most of them are a million times older than i am, which is slightly creepy, but they're gay nevertheless. Also, I'm glad i found Fuckyeahgaycouples from Manhunt. It is the most adorable website ever. It shows gay couples who post pictures of themselves. This reassures me more that I'm not alone more than Manhunt. It shows pictures of gay couples who perhaps thought the same way i do. Some day, I'll get my picture up there. Maybe. Perhaps. Hopefully.

"It Gets Better"

Heterosexuals that claim everything will be fine dont know what its like. Its a huge mountain that I have to climb eventually that they never had to. Sure, you can say it'll make me stronger in the long run, but for now, i feel so weak and numb and cold and tired.
Jada says that the real issue is that I cant accept the fact that I'm gay myself. It's true, i cant. But she makes it seem so easy. It's not easy when you know you're different than everyone else. That there are groups of people that shun you because of your being. Hell, all of society does it, whether they know it or not. People loosely throw around the word "gay" or "fag", associating it with anything negative. How the hell am i supposed to come out with people saying stuff like that?
I'm sure half the people dont mean it, but even look at Tiffany. She says that Austin might be gay, but she says it as if its something terrible. That she's wasting her time trying to win him if he's gay. Or even what Jada says about what i should do. I feel like she just wants to say "Get the hell over it. Its not that serious". Same with Jasmine. She yelled at Jahmal to "come out of the closet you freaking faggot". Great. I'm pretty sure she thinks that about me. It seems that nobody understands. Nobody understands how insanely difficult this is. I dont know a single gay guy my age and this fucking sucks. All of these videos about how it gets better show how they have all gotten boyfriends and girlfriends, but how about now? I'm fucking 16 and I've never even had a boyfriend, let alone my first kiss. I wonder what would happen if I just decided to go out with a girl just to get this over with. I hate this. None of you understand it seems.

xFactor week 7

Cher and Paije in the bottom two. Kind of funny. Two weeks in a row with shock results. Well Paije left since I'm sure the judges wouldnt have the nerve to vote Cher off. So Paije is gone. Next to leave, I'm hoping, is Katie, then Wagner, then Mary. Then who knows.

For granted.

It's a sad event that takes place in many lives. People take you for granted; you take others for granted. Hell, other people take other people for granted too. There are some people, people not like me, out there who take their peers for granted. Some of those people, i wish i could just take a fraction of the things they take for granted Their friends, their families,... their spouse. They seem to turn a blind eye to the people that love them the most and take advantage of their existence. But i guess the reason they are able to do so, is because they are the way they are. And the reason why I take things for granted, is because of the way i am. For that, the things all people take for granted are different because everyone is different. Sure, there are differences, but as a whole, people take different things for granted.

What do i take for granted? Plenty.

Fucking Katie won over Aiden. Aiden lost this week. Katie has been in the bottom like 4/6 times. Fuck her. I fucking hate her now. I felt so bad for Aiden. The hosts asked him what he wants to do now and he said "have a beer" and looked down. Uhg... Fuck you Britain.

I told Tiffany today. She told me I had to be more confident in myself. And yes. Easier said than done.

Is there ever a need to say something blatantly obvious? Do we have to say it to remind ourselves that what we've said is true? Is saying something like that a sign of weakness? Or is it a sign of dignity?

Cavemen.

How come we cant just revert back to when we were all hunters and gatherers? I mean, it must have been so easy back then. None of all these stupid societal norms to deal with. Just... go and hunt or gather and do something else with the rest of your life. It all seems so easy. Better than the world we live in now, at least.

The Interwebs.

I dont really know why I'm writing this blog. I guess its a way for me to take note of the insane thought i have. I'm guessing at some point in life, I'm going to look back at all of this and see how weird I was. Anyways.

"Why, whats up?"

These kinds of statuses are so... sad? You go around liking these kinds of statuses to gain a sense of who you are yourself... to gain a sense of how others see yourself and how others would portray you. The uncertainty is kind of sad. I suppose on the contrary, its nice to know that there are people who arnt afraid to show a degree of compassion. "Words of kindness, that our poor hearts crave. Please dont keep them Hidden Away". Still. Its sad that the outlet for words is via internet. Our generation has become such a strange one. One where the internet has been woven into fabric of society. I guess I'm just making up excuses as to why I'm "socially retarded".

Gotta Be Somebody

I want someone to tell me theres someone for me out there. Theres Gotta Be Somebody.






I dont want to do this on my own.

XFactor week 5

KAtie and Treyc were in the bottom two and Treyc got voted out. Sucks for Cheryll but she didnt even pick one of them. Katie forgot her words (again...) and yet she was still put through. I was under the impression that she was a bitch. But I guess being a bitch is better than being boring. I never really liked Treyc's voice anyways. I thoought it was kind of muffle-y and nasal-y. Katie's going next week though. She's been in the bottom 2 like 3/5 times. Wtf?!

What the hell is your problem?

Leave me alone. I'm 16. All i want to be, is a normal 16 year old. But i cant. Because I'm gay. And on top of that, you want to fucking smother me. Leave me alone. Let me be a 16 year old kid and let me live my life. My childhood has fucking been ruined and guess what? I'm never getting it back. All of this stuff that i could be doing because i'm 16, cant be done. So many fucking reason. Leave me alone mother. Let me have a life.