Losing

I was going to say that this kind of stuff only happens once in a while, but then I realized I'd be lying. This probably happens every other day.

So.

Every other day, I'll fall into this random... random pit of depression. It's weird. Almost always it's about being gay. I guess recently, I've come to pin point one problem I have yet to overcome.

I let them win.

You know, the homophobes, the ones with pickets and loudspeakers-- those guys. One thing they say always gets to me. No, it's not faggot, or "you're going to hell." When someone puts homosexuals on the same level as pedophiles and zoophiles and necrophiles and the like, I can't think of a single reason as to why they're wrong.

Sure, you can say "children don't understand love" or "animals don't know what they're doing; it's purely for procreative purpose," but doesn't that undermine the whole "accepting love in all forms" motto gays have come to adopt? I mean, homosexual relationships are deviant, just as any relationship in NAMBLA. I... I can't help but agree with them-- the homophobes. I identify myself with pedophiles and zoophiles and... and I let them win.

I mean, isn't the point of their damnation to make us hate ourselves? To make us want to change? To let us know that we're depraved? To tell us that there's something wrong with us? To show us that our pride in such sick lifestyles is shameful?

Well, they've won. Because sometimes, or a lot of the time, I believe them. Heck, as I was writing that up there, I believed what I wrote.

I feel terrible about myself. I thought I was really coming around to the whole "self-acceptance" crap, but really, who am I kidding? I hate myself. But most importantly, I hate myself for letting them win.